Thinking Thursday

Thinking Thursday 

I do not hide the fact that I have anxiety. Which is a mostly true statement. I am constantly aware of tremors and my hands and voice that I fight to control, I try not to let my fear slip through cracks in my facade. But I do openly admit to having anxiety. I view so many things through a lens of fear. People are amazed to hear that I never got a detention, had near perfect t attendance, never skipped class. Didn’t drink before I was 21 (except for a few sips in Germany when I was 17, but it was legal there and I had a signed permission slip). All because anxiety. I want to say that it’s because I am a good person, but a lot of it is due to fear. Which is a sad way to be good because it’s not about what you want to do, so much as what you have to do. 
So, I want to try seeing the world through humor. When weird/awkward stuff happens, I won’t go cry in the bathroom, frustrated with my inability to cope. Instead, I’ll break the fourth wall like Jim in The Office. I’ve been practicing. Honestly, life is full of moments like that. So many things are funny in retrospect. So I’m going to try to laugh at them now. 
When you work in a cave, the only way to go is up. 
-Smudged 

Working Wednesday

Working Wednesday 

I use the Shine app because who doesn’t like daily encouragement? 
Today’s read:
We often think taking a break = slacking. But *intentional* lulls only amp up productivity. Today, take a recess to power up. 

It hits close to home. At work, on my lunch break, if I sit at my desk, I feel extremely guilty if I watch videos (well, if other people see). I feel like that’s kind of messed up. 
So today I’m going to work on relaxing, you know, aaaafter my jog. 
-Smudged 

Trying Tuesday · Uncategorized

Trying Tuesday

So, normally, Trying Tuesday would be all about art.  However, I, having temporarily re-discovered a game from my childhood, am in no mood to try new art.  But there is something I’m trying.

 

Don’t laugh.  Bran cereal.  Here’s the thing.  I’m trying to have an efficient diet.  I want to eat foods that are a good bang for my buck.  I know I need more fiber, and there were so many promising nutrients.  I’ve been eating chia seeds for the same reason (really good when soaked in orange juice).

 

I got started on this kick because of instant oatmeal.  I mean, oatmeal is supposed to be good for you.  High in fiber, bla bla bla.  Legit oatmeal is.  But instant?  It’s so many calories for feeling ZERO percent full.  So disappointed.  I don’t really track my calories, but that’s mostly because I’m lazy.  I want to be healthy without having to think about it.  Also, I want to be healthy without a lot of work.  And also, I want to be healthy without eating miserably gross food.  I’m looking at you kale salad with cranberries and cayenne pepper and walnuts and olive oil and apple cider vinegar and honey.  Gross and too much work and not filling.  Also, fruit should NEVER go in a savory salad.  I have opinions.

 

So this bran cereal.  It looks like dog food or cat food or something.  But it tastes fine.  Totally tolerable (and you’re talking to someone who has been subjected to liquid thyme being just dropped into her mouth, I KNOW intolerable).  The word isn’t in on how good that fiber is, but I’m sure I’ll find out in the most inconvenient way at work during a meeting tomorrow.

 

So far though, it seems like a good idea.

 

-Smudged

Money Monday · Uncategorized

Money Monday | Entertainment

As someone who is proudly trying to be a cheapskate, I am happy to say that I have found many ways to cheaply entertain myself, from a young age, much to the chagrin of my parents.

 

It started with books.  I learned to read at a very young age.  Also, I was not allowed to watch a good portion of television offered to people my age.  Books gave me an opportunity to see a world much larger than my very small one.  I won’t lie, I did spend a lot of money on books.  Mostly because I got an allowance and because my mom would take me to the shopping mall instead of the library (though we did go to the library a few times).  Libraries are awesome.  I mean, there are more free books to read than you have time for.  And if you have the patience (always have patience, it’s a virtue for a reason) you can request pretty much any book your heart desires.  AND libraries have free events.  Mine has knitting, which I haven’t taken up yet.

 

Books kind of put this weird romantic ideal in my heart:  that the world was made for exploring, and the woods were a beautiful and mysterious place.  I would dig in my backyard pretending to be Indiana Jones.  Once I set up a detective shop in my backyard so I could be like Nancy Drew.  When we moved to a wooded area, I’d hike and pretend like I was in Narnia or like I was queen of the forest or something.  You guys, hiking is free.  There are also a ton of parks near me.  While I am a SUPER anxious person that is afraid of being the jogger in the park who gets murdered, hiking is a great thing to do with friends.  As someone who has overstayed her welcome at local diners, talking to a friend for more than 4 hours, hiking is great.  No one gives you looks.  Heck, no one might even see you.  You get to talk with a friend while leisurely walking at your own pace.  You get to see the great outdoors.  Also, it’s exercising without even trying.  Which, let’s be honest, is the best kind of exercise.  Also, there tends to be limited cell reception, which, while probably great for murderers, also great for having uninterrupted conversation.  However, let’s face it, I’m an introvert, give me one on one time, or give me time by myself.  I hate crowds.

 

Honestly, I have no idea what advice to give to people who love crowds…except one idea.  Basically, a potluck.  I do love food.  With a potluck, no one has too much work to do, or too much money to invest, but everyone benefits from the diversity.  I’m also pretty sure that everyone has some random table top game they can bring, and games can be fun.  Heck, you could even just play with a deck of cards.

 

But let me get to the part where I let down my parents (outside of the book reading that prevented me from being more social than they would have liked).  When my husband and I started dating we were in high school.  Neither of has jobs.  He couldn’t take me on expensive dates.  We would hike (see above) or ride bikes or watch movies from the extensive collection his parents had.  I loved every second of it.  My parents thought he should be spending a lot on me.  Now that we’re technically adults, we’ve eaten at some expensive places, gone out to movies, but here’s the thing:  I genuinely don’t care about expensive restaurants.  Any restaurant that has strangers at it, is a restaurant that I am probably not going to enjoy.  So, at least being cheap would make me happy (see small, local diners and fast food).  Sure, I like me some sushi, and cheap sushi isn’t something I necessarily want in my life, but those are VERY special events (where my husband wouldn’t be included anyway because the idea of sushi makes him uncomfortable).  I do kind of love the movie theater experience, what with the big screen and the special popcorn and the fancy seats.  BUT…remember where I’m not a fan of strangers?  Let me go on a rant about a certain kind of stranger I don’t like.  The people who look at their cell phones during movies.  The people that scream continuously through horror movies.  The people who clap during movies.  I want everyone in the movie theater so sit down, shut up, and not talk until the credits roll.  Sadly, that is not the world we live in, so I will probably never have a perfect movie experience.  Basically, I’m a cheap date because I’m an introvert.  Also, I can’t tell you how many times my parents have told me that my husband should be taking me on expensive dates.  I’m the one with the money skills, yo.  I’m just lucky I have a husband who thinks Taco Bell is a delicacy.

 

-Smudged

Uncategorized

Working Wednesday

I am not at a point in my life where I plan these posts in advance. My blog life is like my financial life, I know just enough to know I need to get better, but I’m not there yet. 
This blog is for me, to keep me on track. I want to keep mmyself working on the things that really matter to me. Which is why Working Wednesday is so important to me. It reminds me that what I do can have value. That I have projects. 
But today, I’m going for a jog and then to the movies and then to bed. 
No anxiety. Some days you just need to live a little. 
-Smudged 

Trying Tuesday · Uncategorized

Trying Tuesday | Office Design

Nothing too fascinating today.  I’m trying to design an ideal office for myself.

 

I would like (in perfect dream world):

Office Corner

  • Computer
  • Printer
  • Scanner
  • Filing Cabinet

Sewing Corner

  • Sewing Machine
  • Dummy
  • Materials

Art Corner

  • Easel
  • Drawing Table
  • Light box
  • Small Table to Hold Paints

 

And obviously a rolling chair and a stool.  And possibly some bookshelves.  And if we’re going full out perfect dream world, I want a hammock too.