Thinking Thursday

Thinking Thursday 

I do not hide the fact that I have anxiety. Which is a mostly true statement. I am constantly aware of tremors and my hands and voice that I fight to control, I try not to let my fear slip through cracks in my facade. But I do openly admit to having anxiety. I view so many things through a lens of fear. People are amazed to hear that I never got a detention, had near perfect t attendance, never skipped class. Didn’t drink before I was 21 (except for a few sips in Germany when I was 17, but it was legal there and I had a signed permission slip). All because anxiety. I want to say that it’s because I am a good person, but a lot of it is due to fear. Which is a sad way to be good because it’s not about what you want to do, so much as what you have to do. 
So, I want to try seeing the world through humor. When weird/awkward stuff happens, I won’t go cry in the bathroom, frustrated with my inability to cope. Instead, I’ll break the fourth wall like Jim in The Office. I’ve been practicing. Honestly, life is full of moments like that. So many things are funny in retrospect. So I’m going to try to laugh at them now. 
When you work in a cave, the only way to go is up. 

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