Thinking Thursday

I’m going to talk about something that’s hard for me.  Please though, don’t worry, just laugh with me.  I know it’s ridiculous.

 

Driving.

 

I hate it so much.  I don’t think I’m bad at it.  Like most drivers on the road, I think I’m pretty good.  It’s everyone else that’s awful.  Which isn’t true, there are some notably kind drivers on the road.

 

I’ve only been pulled over once.  I was anxious about getting back in the right lane.  I went too fast.  I pulled over in the parking lot of a sports bar.  I cried uncontrollably the whole time.  The officer was VERY unsympathetic.  (Speaking of, do you know what makes me cry worse?  People telling me it isn’t a big deal, stop crying.)

 

I generally drive very carefully.  That made me even more cautious.

 

I carefully monitor my speedometer.  I try to stay within 5 miles above the speed limit.  Because not upsetting the drivers around me matters as much as not getting a ticket.  Going slower is not really accepted.  People pass you with a vengeance.

 

I stop for yellow lights I could probably speed through.

 

I PANIC any time I have to change lanes in a very short span of time.

 

I call other drivers names…and then immediately apologize.

 

I never block the intersection.

 

I stay as far away from people on bikes as possible.

 

But today.  Today.  I had to turn left at a really difficult place without a left turning light.  So I didn’t.  I turned right.  Then left on an easier street.  Then left again.  It probably took longer.  But it sure made me feel better.

 

So there’s something I wonder about.  Is that a positive coping mechanism or something malignant?  I honestly can’t tell.

 

Sure, it makes me feel better.  But it also makes me feel a little crazy.

 

I may have also stared at Google Maps for 5 minutes in advance to make sure I knew which streets were one way.

 

Judge me as hard as you’d like.  I can deal.

 

-Smudged